I get a little personal in my book. I am usually a very private person so it was quite difficult to do so. I didn’t even put the really deep stuff into it but let me tell you what is there is literally my heart on my sleeve.
My journey has been a bumpy one. Probably not as much as some other people have faced, but challenging to me just the same. I open up and share my story in my book Forgiving God, because i believe that when we get real with each other and share ourselves openly, then we will begin to see each other as humans. Often times we objectify people over the internet because we see them from a distance. It is easy to give opinionated and even hate-laced comments or responses because we know so little about them, their history or character.
I believe that if we take the time to get to know those people, hear their story, and connect with them on a human level, we wouldn’t be so quick to judge and criticize.
I also shared some pretty intense details of my life because it needed to be shared in order for you, my reader, understand just how loving God is in our weakness, and pain. When we are in a sea of chaos and hurt we often feel like God is far away, detached from our life. Sometimes it feels as if He doesn’t care or that He can’t see our affliction. When we are in the moment of trauma or trial, the darkness seems bigger and closer than God. When we look back over our lives, to share our story with others, we can see that God was there the whole time.
That is exactly what sharing my story has done for me. It has given a new perspective completely. Not that i don’t still go through things, we all do. But now when the darkness looms in on the horizon i have a history of walking through storms with Jesus, and this gives me hope that this too shall pass.
My story may not be easy for some people to read. If you’ve experienced abuse or sexual assault you might want to have your coping skills primed and ready. I don’t go into detail but i know from past experience the simplest of things can trigger PTSD and panic attacks. Once, i was ridiculed by a woman on facebook for mentioning (i thought in a safe environment) that women openly breastfeeding, uncovered, in public triggered me (or any nudity of any kind anywhere). She actually mocked me. It isn’t up to anyone but you to decide whether something is safe or not.
You may be able to read through the first chapter and feel nothing at all. That’s fine too. My past is a way to get to know me a little better and learn the things that have shaped and molded me into who i am today. You get insight into why i am the way that i am, and also why i believe what i believe.
Some of you may finish the book and think …man she was really broken and now she only sees broken things….this girl has a lot to learn still. That’s okay because that is actually exactly where i am at. Do i believe what i’ve written in the book is the truth? Emphatically, YES! Do i believe that i have a lot to learn and that someday i may learn new things that may change my perspective? Again, emphatically YES YES YES!!
I know that sounds crazy. That i would put myself out there as an authority on anything and say that i actually may change my mind someday seems absurd. But is anyone perfect now? Can anyone say with 100% certainty that everything they believe is absolute truth? (HINT: no they can’t.) I find it safer to say i stand firm in my current belief, but i reach towards deeper fuller knowledge of God.
I love learning new things. I do not feel ashamed when i am proven wrong because it means i am about to learn something new!! And i love truth… it sets you free.
Love you guys! ~MR