I’ve been writing a lot lately. Not here on my blog obviously, i have neglected that for too long. No. I’ve been working on my book “Forgiving God”. I am nearly halfway done with the first draft, and it has been an uphill battle the whole way. Each time i think i am doing well, i hit a wall. And each time i hit that wall i almost give up. Then i remember the reason why i am writing the book and i start writing again.
I am a speaker by nature. I can tell you ten thousand stories, recite hundreds of songs word for word, and quote scripture by heart. Yet when it comes time to write this book it is like an actual torture session. I have no idea what is taking place in the spirit as this book is being birthed but i cannot wait to see what it looks like when it is finished. It really has been a labor of love so far.
See my story is not that special. I have nothing notable about my life. I am not famous, or rich. I do not have the name, or the “package’ so to speak. I am just a woman, raising her kids, loving her family trying to do something that might leave a legacy when i am gone. But i believe that my story, though not extraordinary, is one that will connect with many. No i wasn’t in the twin towers as they collapsed. I haven’t seen dead raised, or limbs grow out like a powerful missionary evangelist. But how much do we really relate to those people?
No my story is pretty ordinary, and takes place every day in every city around the world. People everywhere live lives that are similar to mine. They wrestle with the same questions, and doubts. They fear similar things, and they have had experiences that they cannot really open up and talk about to get help, just like me. And they need answers. Some of them don’t even realize what they are looking for they are just aching. That is where my story needs read.
In the home of a woman who was raped. In the bedroom of the teen who feels unloved. In the backseat of a car where sits a suicidal, broken individual wanting to know the pain ends. That is why i am writing. I remind myself this every time i want to give up because it is difficult.
So this blog is for me. It is so i can say, “Remember Martha that this is not about you. Yes you lived that life, and yes it is painful to open up and write about those long held secrets. No you don’t want people to know because yes some of them will judge you. But for the ones who feel the same way as you, the lost ones, the broken ones, the hurting ones, WRITE. Write it out in tears. Write it out in love. Write it through the pain, and the anxiety, and the PTSD triggers. Write because when you were hurting no one was writing for you. Write because when you needed help there was none, but you can be that help. Remember now that your story, is part of His-story. And one day you will see that He makes all things work together for good, for those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose. Write for love’s sake.”